Beijing: a long overdue nod to China's ancient capital

We've met a lot of people along the way who have followed a similar route to us, and come down through China to enter South-East Asia. Since most of those people hated Beijing and the soup-like blanket of air pollution that hangs over the city most days of the year, we've started to realise just how lucky we were with the five days of glorious sunshine and clear blue skies that we had in November.

It took us a while to crack the Chinese government censors to be able to access the blog, so I never got around to posting anything from northern China. That's a shame, because we loved Bejing, Pingyao and Xian...but better late than never I suppose.

Neither of us had very high expectations for Beijing. After all, most of the press you read about China's capital is negative and the reports about the city's air pollution are nothing short of grim. But contrary to all of our preconceptions, Beijing turned out to be extremely well ordered, very easy to negotiate with excellent public transport, clean (at least superficially), friendly and, in short, awesome. With a population of around 23 million, you'd expect Beijing to seem ultra crowded, noisy and hectic. This could not be further from the truth. Compared to Bangkok (7 million), Beijing seems almost serene.

We stayed in a hutong north of the Forbidden City, a district of interconnected laneways and picturesque pedestrian streets lined with traditional houses, temples and chic boutiques and cafes. After nearly walking the soles of our shoes off the first day, we rented bicycles for the remaining days and cruised through tiny backstreets and down Beijing's remarkably relaxed thoroughfares, with many a dumpling break between sightseeing stops. 

 

Like everyone else who comes to Beijing, we made the obligatory trip out to see the Great Wall of China (or rather, the small section between Jinshanling and Simatai), which has the distinction of being every bit as spectacular as it's cracked up to be. 

The wall is an amazing feat of human engineering and the scale of it is difficult to appreciate, even when you're standing on top of it. Perhaps even more amazing is that you get to experience it all in relative tranquility...we saw just one t-shirt tout over the whole 6km stretch. 

And then of course there's the food. It was in Beijing that we realised extra meals would have to be scheduled to accommodate the vast quantity of awesome things we wanted to try. The Inverse Law of Asian Restaurants applies here as much as anywhere...the best food we ate was always in the shabbiest places. 

The owner would take our order with a fag hanging out of his mouth while large tables of Chinese men (Ladies Who Lunch has definitely not taken off in China just yet) were slamming down beers and screaming ganbei (cheers) at anyone who happened to make eye contact. There would be bins next to all the tables for patrons to hawk into (which is better than them doing it on the floor. Just.) and the air would be thick with cigerette smoke. But the food was always sensational. 

So thanks Beijing. We loved you and I hope we'll see you again someday. Maybe next time around we'll even duck in and visit the super-creepy embalmed body of Chairman Mao (and while we're at it, we can zip over to Moscow and check out Lenin, who we also missed). 

What is it with Asia and....???

I know, I know...Asia is a big place. Depending on your definition it comprises up to 49 countries and 60% of the world's population. However for the purposes of this blog post 'Asia' refers to China, Japan, Korea and all of South-East Asia.  

Despite the huge cultural, historical, religious and ethnic differences that exist between China and Japan, Korea and Malaysia or Thailand and Vietnam, there are some striking commonalities. Here are a few uniquely Asian idiosyncrasies. 

1. Couples outfits: 

It is ridiculous just how common this phenomenon is among young, Asian couples. From colour-coordinated outfits and matching t-shirts to full-blown Ken & Barbie haute-couture, they just can't get enough of the matchy-matchy. 

2. Hello Kitty:

I always used to think that it was only 10 year old girls who loved the ultra-saccharine Hello Kitty, but across Asia you'll find her in business hotels (see below if you think I"m joking), clothing for adult females and males, home decoration, appliances and basically anything you can stick a cutesy logo on. 

 

3. Durian:

Although Durian is only native to Indonesia and Malaysia, it appears all across East and South East Asia in all its various stinky guises: durian puffs, durian pastry, durian ice-cream and even durian flavoured coffee. 

While the taste of durian is somewhat bland and benign, the smell has variously been associated with vomit, used surgical swabs, dead animals and countless other pejorative comparisons.  In fact, while Asia loves to eat durian, doing so in public is guaranteed to make you a social leper and perhaps even result in a hefty fine. 

4. Whitening cream:

It's kind of ironic that while white people are constantly trying to get browner, brown people are always trying to look whiter. Just goes to show that we're never fucking happy really. In the western world tanning salons, spray-on tan and sunbeds are the norm. In Asia, it is almost impossible to find cosmetic products (including soap, moisturizer or suncream) that doesn't also contain whitening agents. 

Thanks, but no thanks.

There is a Chinese saying that dictates: 'Anything that walks, swims, crawls, or flies with its back to heaven is edible'. Of course, edible doesn't necessary mean desirable. 

Much as I love Chinese cuisine, there are a few aspects of the Chinese kitchen that I find extremely hard to stomach. Here's a few local specialties that won't be finding their way past my lips. 

1. Dog

Admittedly, there is a lot wrong with this picture...but the smoked dog (far right) takes the cake

Ok...maybe, MAYBE if I were invited to someone's home and served dog meat I would eat it so as not to offend the host. But I will never order it voluntarily and dog-carcass-jerky remains one of the most disturbing things I have seen in China. 

2. Turtle

There are lots of horrendous things that are done to turtles in China. Street vendors sell keyrings of live baby turtles in plastic bags...

And turtle soup makes an all-too-frequent appearance on menus around the country. At least it's nigh on impossible to mistake this for chicken:

3. Anything involving penis

T-bone? Rib-eye? Porterhouse? Nah, fuck it....I'll have the penis thanks. I hear it's good for virility. 

4. Anything I've petted on the way to my table

Like these poor bastards. I can't read their neck-tags but it doesn't take a genius to know their day is done. 

5. Flat Pig Face

I'm not really a fan of pork at the best of times. This is just grotesque. 

Dancing with the Dong

The Dong are one of the numerous ethnic minorities in China, famous for their carpentry skills, singing and rice wine. We had originally planned to coast through the region on our way to Hunan province but once our visas were extended and we found ourselves with an extra 30 days in China, we decided to stop off and see the Chengyang Wind and Rain Bridge, completed by extremely talented Dong chippies in 1912. 

 

Like all the local houses, the bridge is constructed entirely of wood which is ingeniously slotted together instead of using nails.

The five villages (Ma'an, Dong, Da, Yan, and Ping) are so close to each other they could be mistaken for one, but all have their own Drum Tower which forms the central part of cultural life in the village and is where locals perform music and dance for enthusiastic Chinese tourists (and us!). 

 

Actually our attendance at the show almost upstaged the local musicians and dancers. Being in China is like being a B-grade celebrity. People stare (a lot), ask to have their photo taken with you and then back away giggling. 

Unlike their woodwork, which even an imbecile can see is amazing, Dong music is an acquired taste. Like a lot of music we've heard in China it seemed to involve a lot of off-pitch discordant singing. Still, gotta love the girls headdress... 

Having tested two out of three Dong specialties, it was time to move on to the third! So far we've had a mixed experience with Chinese rice wine- a couple have been good, most barely drinkable and one truly vile. Most of the stuff labeled wine could send a rocket to the moon but this was a much gentler version (lucky really, since it came in a enormous jar). 

Apparently the Dong also have a Bull Intestine Eating Festival. Happily we'll be long gone by then. 

Confucius say...two wheels better than four

We've spent the last three days exploring the insanely picturesque countryside around Yangshuo-. Unfortunately the weather has been rather average, so our photos don't really do justice to the extraordinary scenery, brilliant green landscapes and lovely rural settings that we've cruised past. 

 

If Confucius had chosen to elaborate on two-wheeled transport he probably would also have said that two wheels mounted on a petrol-driven motor are even better than human-driven pedal power!!! After an unsuccessful attempt to cycle shitty Chinese bikes to Xingping yesterday, today we wised up and hired a scooter. Fixed gear bicycles are simply not cut out for hills...take that hipsters!!

 

The People's Republic of China Digital Detox...THWARTED by Martijn

We're ba-ack!! Take that internet censors!! I guess it probably should have occurred to us earlier but it seems that for every firewall the Chinese government has thrown up in the face of morally corrupt sites like Blogger and Facebook, there are 7 million dorks who've posted ways around this online! Thanks online tweens!! And thanks Martijn for taking the 2.5 minutes it took to Google our troubles away...